she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
