Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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