you traded sex for a burrito?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
