Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
