I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
