Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
