Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
