I want to stick my p in your. b.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
