would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize