I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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