k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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