Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
