margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Screwed.edu
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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