I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
