theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
