So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
