Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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