Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
