It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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