i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize