I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
