This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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