I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
