im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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