Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
