I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
