i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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