One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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