in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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