Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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