"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
