Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
