Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
