Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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