Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
