Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
