My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
