There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
