Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
