i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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