ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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