I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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