What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
