I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
