I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
