dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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