i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
