we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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