You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
