I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
