you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
