it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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