Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
