Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he fucked my hip out of place.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Enjoy the penises
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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