I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
