the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My vagina is officially offended.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
