did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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