yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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