so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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