i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
