Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
my vag is so smooth its legendary
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
