Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
