Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
