im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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