i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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