he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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