I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
