Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
