i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
